the sabbath day

why do i enjoy going to church so much?
especially i have noticed this since being called on "the mission", i leave my meetings feeling like i can do it! every sunday i leave feeling uplifted, feeling like it is ALL going to work out, feeling like others are praying for my success, feeling like the Lord will really be able to work with this imperfect daughter to accomplish His will, feeling like i am ready to get moving with the preparations at hand, that before i came to church, felt like a very large, dark cloud looming in front of me!

going to church has given me strength i have never noticed before! i feel lighter, less burdened, i even feel joyful! i want to remember this feeling. i wrote early today, because i needed to write these feelings before the cloud returned. some sundays it is back before bedtime, but mostly now, i am able to get up, get out, and accomplish a little something every day. i don't want you to think i am bed-ridden with depression or anything. that isn't it. i have just had to deal with these life changes in a very mental way and it has taken a lot of time to get my head and my heart around what is ahead of me. each day i feel myself more accepting of the fact that i am going to be learning spanish. i have come a long way in accepting Father's will about where we may be living. i feel myself adjusting very positively to all of the things my mind imagines up, to make me feel inadequate or discouraged or unworthy of His blessings. for me, it has been an interesting process. time has been very helpful. time and attending church every sunday. maybe i could start going to early morning seminary with megan so that i can sustain these feelings of hopefulness all week!

actually, i am sure there will come a day, when the cloud is gone forever. maybe that day will be today! but having it around, has taught me a lot about myself and about giving my will to the Lord, and about accepting His will for me unconditionally. REALLY, i am looking forward to this experience! REALLY! i look forward to it all, because i am sure when these years are over, i will be such a better version of myself. i will have grown. i look forward to the process. i know at times though, getting my rough corners chipped away may be painful, but i know it will all be worth it!

this quote has been on my mind constantly lately. i want to share it.

elder maxwell said:
"...the submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on god's alter. the many other things we "give" are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. however, when you and i finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in god's will, then we are really giving something to Him! it is the only possession which is truly ours to give!"

i'm sure this will be a continual process throughout my life. i hope it gets easier and easier to do.