celebration!

bodega bay 1/16/11

mental health:

today i am celebrating because i feel like writing on my blog again!  i don't know if i had the new year blues, or a post-christmas breakdown, or if cancer treatments just got the best of my inner will to thrive and survive, but for some reason i have not been myself!  i am so happy that that darkness is gone.  i looked at my iphone weather app today and all i saw were beautiful yellow suns!  i must say, hailey and i are absolutely loving this gorgeous weather...jon is too (though he does love the rain).  last winter, this weather was non-existent!  i am counting my blessings (#1).

cancer update:

monday (martin luther king day) was my last radiation treatment and my first day of tamoxifen.  radiation was harder on me than i expected it would be.  i felt a lot of joint and bone pain and i lost a lot of my natural physical strength.  i was just expecting a sunburn and maybe a need for a nap or two.  i was a little over confident i guess.  i am just thankful that i will feel like my old self again, one day soon.  i am grateful that the poisoning and the burning of my body tissue has ended (though i am grateful it was available to kill the cancer cells).  i can see a light at the end of the tunnel. (#2)  i have not been looking forward to taking tamoxifen because i have been nervous about the side effects.  as i sat waiting for my shot of radiation one morning, i got to visit with another one of the patients that was also waiting for her shot (half dressed :-)).  she changed my dread of tamoxifen to relief and gratitude (#3) as we talked.  i know it is a miracle to have this drug, for someone like me, with the kind of cancer i had.  tamoxifen is able to protect me (almost always) and save me from the return of the dreaded "c" word! besides, having to take a pill everyday has helped me be better at taking a vitamin and calcium and i am getting a few more glasses of water in. :) i must say, monday was a very happy day, for everyone in my family.  i heard from every single child (loved it), and i got the biggest and best hug from hailey as i walked in after my last appointment.  we are all happy to say the least!

cancer hair:

it is growing back. it has gone from feeling like whiskers on my head to being very soft, but it is going to take forever for it to be long enough to look cute with gel in it.  oh well, i am hopeful, since it is returning. i am down to three eyelashes on my left eye.  it is bizarre (especially since everyone in my family has grown long, beautiful eyelashes).  i still try to put some mascara on and then i smile.  life is good:).

a birthday visitor for hailey:

megan wattles came for a surprise visit for hailey's upcoming sixteenth birthday.  yes, i did say sixteen!  so for our celebration, hailey, megan and i went to the city for a little shopping and sight seeing.  the fog was very thick at the bridge so our photos are a little different than usual.  but these girls are beautiful, so they make any picture look great!

megan and hailey

these two have fun together!

of course, a trip to the city must include a little lost time for susan.  and lost time means stressed time.  megan and hailey may have feared for their lives (or the lives of others) a couple of times.  (what are bikers doing riding through a tunnel anyway?  i mean, there is no room).  i am sorry people!  that is how i roll.

since hailey is turning sixteen she is very excited to get her drivers license soon.  she needs more hours of practice time.  she drove us to the bridge...then i took over (and got us lost)...and then she drove me home from the bridge.  in the dark.  in the fog.  i think that was the longest drive of my life.  she did great.  i was a nervous wreck.  i got home, took some drugs and told jon he needed to take over on the driving hours.  my nervous system isn't up to it right now. :)

i have rambled on long enough.  sorry.  it just sort of feels good.  have a happy day!