a new year...

as i sat this afternoon in jon's den, listening to his loving advise to our beautiful, brave, sweet daughter, i couldn't help but think that his advise was just what i needed to hear. he was promising her that when our mission was over, we would look back and be able to see how much we had grown, how much we had learned, and how many weaknesses the Lord had helped us to make into strengths.

he asked her what she thought some of her strengths were, what were some things she was good at, what she liked about herself. they listed off several things. then he asked her, what was something she didn't like about herself, or what was a weakness that she thought she had. it got me thinking. about myself. we have been serving for six months now...have i become stronger in any of my weak areas? in two and a half more years, when we are driving away from santa rosa towards newport beach for our month long retreat (he promised!), will I be able to see a difference in myself, for the better?

i am certainly aware of many weaknesses in myself! how will the Lord help me to make them strengths if i don't start trying more diligently to be better. to do the things i am preaching about in all of those sacrament meetings and stake conferences. (by the way- we are speaking on the 10th, 17th, 24th and 31st of January---holy cow!) i want to be different. i want to be stronger. i want to be a missionary---forever more. i don't want to be afraid to share the gospel anymore! i want to have faith. i want to feel bold when i have the opportunity to testify. i know the Lord will help me, i know He will. together we will make me stronger at my weak things. that is what i was thinking about today. changing. becoming stronger.

as i looked out the window i saw a couple of HUGE chipmunks running up and down the trees, then i spotted a doe and a buck casually eating between the tennis court and our front/side yard. i watched them for ten minutes, comfortably grazing and looking around. then hailey and i opened the garage as we were heading to dance. the smell of skunk hit us both. this is the strangest land i have ever lived in. we live in a neighborhood. there are forty to fifty houses in our neighborhood, i think. we are not out in the middle of nowhere, where animals should be comfortable living and grazing. there are many people and cars and dogs (lots and lots of dogs) always cruising around the neighborhood, but deer and skunks and wild turkeys feel comfortable here, living amongst us as well. a very strange land indeed!

this strange land is growing on me. it is really starting to plant itself in my little heart. a part of me does not want to love this land, because i don't want it to be hard for me when we leave. but i guess i have no choice. it is happening all on its own.