quiet

why is it when life is busy and loud that i think i can't wait for some peace and quiet? granted there are different extremes to what i call feeling "loud" in my life. there is the "loud" when i feel busy with a lot going on, but i still know it is manageable, and i feel like i am still in control. i can make lists of what needs to get done and the things with highest priorities get done and the others wait. then there is the "loud" when i am overwhelmed with so much to accomplish that i feel like i need 48 hours in a day, and i have no control. i make a list and just looking at it makes me feel sick. i end up feeling like with the little i accomplish in a day, i will never be able to get everything done. lately, for the last couple of months, i have been going back and forth between the two kinds of "loud" described.

this week the house has been quiet. everyone is back to school and jon is back to work. it was fun over the holidays to have a house full of people. this past weekend we even got to see some of our bunker cousins and relatives. i looked at jon sunday night (while watching the lakers kill their opponents:) and said, "the house sure will be quiet tomorrow." he knew exactly what i meant. it is quite a bitter-sweet feeling... missing the people, but enjoying the order. missing the laughter, but enjoying the silence. missing always having someone around, but enjoying a couple hours alone.

anyway, i have been trying to capture some "quiet" feelings within my soul this week, about all that i want to do and accomplish. my list has never been longer, and i am not magically making big strides in any area to be able to start checking things off. but i am trying to feel peace in being "a tortoise" and being satisfied with slow and steady progress. this morning, on the way to bonanza high school, with megan by my side, we got to see this beautiful sunrise. and on the way home, the mountains looked so beautiful, the air felt so clean and clear. this was a positive way to start a quiet morning.